Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Romantic Relationships

Romance is always the topic I am asked about. Inquiring minds want to know each segment. When will he call? When will he say he loves me? When will we marry? There is always a rush to reach each goal.

The majority of my female clients try to rush their relationships once they develop strong feelings. Women have gotten used to being the aggressors. Let the man court you. It’s so important to let the relationship develop. Give the two of you a chance to get to know each other.

Relationship is about two people who come together that relate. It’s not about two people who have a physical attraction and then work to turn each other into the partner they want. That’s an entanglement.

When you find excuses to call or text a man you are dating, you appear needy. The person on the receiving end of that behavior will feel that the way you handle courtship is the way you will handle the relationship. No one wants to feel dominated or controlled. That can mean the end for any relationship in the early stages. To the man, the woman comes across as trying to control them. The way the male handles this is to back away. They usually don’t explain that they are fearful of being smothered.

Women create all kinds of excuses and justifications for this behavior. The way to attract your mate is to be a fun friend. Give him/her a chance to get to know you. Going slow also gives you the freedom of choice. It gives you the clarity to see if the two have you have enough common values and interests to have something long term. Find out what commonalities you share. You have more power when you look at the man you are interested in an take a viewpoint of looking to ‘see’ if he is for you rather than come from ‘does he like me’ or ‘how do I get him to like/want me?’ When you are the interviewer rather than the applicant, you have more freedom to choose. The stronger the foundation you build, the more likely the relationship will be less risky and long lasting.

1 comment:

C. said...

Carrie has gotten this exactly right. The feeling of being in love is fun, but it is insubstantial. Building a relationship based on being best friends is what really lasts and that takes time.